Must The Show Go On?

Mobridge (Pacifica): After nearly a year of world-wide anxiety over the Covid-19 virus, sports fans can breathe a gasp of of apprehension (through a face covering). The Colossal Football Association (CFA) and the BI6 Conference announced today that in spite of the inherent dangers to humanity, their 2020 college football season will go on as planned.

In their continuing quest for enormous wealth while impoverishing the student athletes, North Central South Dakota Polytechnic Institute (Norcentral) also presented their 2020 schedule. A schedule showing no regard for the health risks of the student athletes who toil in the stadiums and on the practice fields with no pay, akin to slave labor.

On September 12th the United States Naval Academy visits for a rematch of last season’s BCS National Championship game. Half time will feature a demonstration of disregard for climate change with a performance by the Dutch AH-64D Apache Solo Display Team.

As expected, the Plovers will be shamelessly handing out cheesy promotional merchandise at more than three home games. Back by popular demand, at the October 3rd game with Arkansas Norcentral’s Professional Coeds will be handing out souvenir garters to every high school football player in attendance, in an apparent disregard of NCAA regulations and common decency.

The Plovers open the season on September 5th  against conference foe, Georgia.

Conference games in bold.

Date Opponent Event
5-Sep Georgia Free Plover face coverings
12-Sep #4 Navy Dutch AH-64D Apache Solo Display Team Air Show
19-Sep #3 Va Tech Fan Appreciation Day
26-Sep At #9 Notre Dame
3-Oct #11 Arkansas Professional Coed Garters
10-Oct #2 Florida State Coach Gomer Do-rags
17-Oct Open Date
24-Oct At #8 LSU
31-Oct At #21 USC
7-Nov At #14 Oregon
14-Nov Nebraska
21-Nov At Texas
28-Nov Oklahoma Homecoming

We spoke with Plover Head Football Coach and Chancellor (for life) Gomer S. Blake after the announcement.

“Who the hell wrote this shit? Let’s win!”.

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