BI6 Conference Spanks Plovers

You will find out later why Squeaky’s picture is here.

Mobridge, SD (CNN) — The BI6 Conference has levied a $500,000 fine on top ranked North Central South Dakota Polytechnic Institute (Norcentral) after hordes of Plover devotees stormed onto John Reid Field at Cold War Memorial Stadium after their 32-0 win over the Oklahoma Sooners on November 24th.

In the ensuing mayhem, the legendary Sooner Schooner was set on fire.

In a statement issued today, BI6 commissioner Jim Gordon alleged that the actions taken by the Plover fans violate a few conference rules of conduct. “This fiasco was atrocious, even by Plover standards and will not go scot-free”, he told reporters.

The $500,000 fine is for a first violation. Conference fines for subsequent violations of this type can reach $6 million.

Upon notification of the fine, Head Football Coach and Chancellor (for life) Gomer S. Blake responded with his usual vigor. “This fine is vexatious, vexatious I say! Let’s win! These are just college kids out trying to have a good time on Saturday night! Let’s win. We don’t need to be getting our snickers in a bunch over kids setting fire to a little old wagon. Let’s win!”

Cletus J. Johnson, a 50 year old tractor mechanic from Selby, was arrested at the scene by Mobridge Police while trying to flee carrying a burning torch. Witnesses say he used the torch to ignite the wagon’s canvas cover.

On Monday he was arraigned on charges of public intoxication, arson and just being obnoxious in general.

In other news:

Star running back Kyle McDonald was suspended by the BI6 conference for next week’s championship game against Alabama. After McDonald scored a touchdown in the third quarter, he “scored” again in the end zone with Professional Co-ed, Lynette “Squeaky” McLean. The Plovers were penalized 15 yards on the following kickoff for excessive celebration.

Blake was not amused. “Why penalize the team and the kids for something that goes on every night in the dorm rooms? Let’s win!”, he bellowed.

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